Article I.
I hereby decree that kindness counts.
Article II.
I hereby decree that kindness counts more than cleverness, and for much more than good looks. Be it decreed that life is not worth living without kindness.
Article III.
I hereby decree that having principles is good, but eating well is good too. So is laughter. Be it decreed that you must sing in the shower and to go for walks alone. More important than living by principles is living.
Article IV.
I hereby decree that all men are created awesome.
Article V.
I hereby that everyone has the right to get drunk if they want. Be it furthermore decreed that it is your right to have second thoughts. Life is a rough draft.
Article VI.
I hereby decree that it is okay to be sentimental. Cry and clap your hands when your favorite song comes on. Do your dance, especially if you can’t dance.
Article VII.
I hereby decree that every night is a Friday night, and every morning a Sunday morning. Mondays are hereby abolished.
Article VIII.
I hereby decree that a hundred dollar bill is worth more if there is a poem written on it, except when that bill is grocery money.
Article IX.
I hereby declare that there is more to be learned from rivers than from books. You can learn more from your dog than from Aristotle.
Article X.
I hereby declare that beauty is not truth, and truth is not beauty. Ugly people are not ugly. There are many things to know, but above all know this: you are more beautiful than you think.
Article XI.
I hereby declare: don’t be a dick. Everything after that is cool.
Article XII.
I hereby declare it a crime to work too hard. You must absolutely love too hard. Moderation is good in most things. Not so in love.
Article XIII.
I hereby declare that adults need not act like adults. Furthermore, be it decreed that children must not be treated like children. There are old children and young children, and nothing more.
Article XIV.
I hereby declare that you cannot take yourself too seriously. We all came into this world upside-down out of a vagina, and we’re all leaving it as worm shit. What comes in-between shall be henceforth viewed in that light.
Article XV.
I hereby declare that you must always tip the band.
Article XVI.
I hereby declare that people who tell you who you are do not know who you are.
Article XVII.
From this moment forward, I abolish self-doubt, fear and shame. Self-imposed suffering in any form is hereby declared illegal.
Be it decreed that as of today, the 5th of May, in my power as Governor of this State of Grace, that at every hour and in every place you are a miracle, and so shall be interpreted every article. Be it furthermore decreed that there is no greed, and that life is not a race. There are no crimes but those herein set forth.
Violators shall be subject to imprisonment in a long and lonely life.
