Article I.
Kindness counts.
Article II.
Kindness counts more than cleverness, much more than good looks. Be it decreed that life is not worth living without kindness.
Article III.
Henceforth, all citizens must sing in the shower and go for walks alone.
Article IV.
All men (especially women) are created awesome.
Article V.
Be it decreed that it is (not always) your right to do whatever you want.
Article VI.
Sentimentality is no longer cheesy. Cry and clap your hands when your favorite song comes on. Do your dance, even if you can’t dance.
Article VII.
Every night shall henceforth be Friday night, and every morning a Sunday morning. Mondays are hereby abolished.
Article VIII.
Be it decreed that a one-hundred dollar bill is worth more with a poem written on it (except in cases of grocery money).
Article IX.
Be it hereby declared that there is more to be learned from rivers than from books. You can learn more from your dog than from Aristotle.
Article X.
Henceforth beauty shall not be confused with truth, nor truth with beauty. There are many things to know, but above all know this: you are more beautiful than you think.
Article XI.
It is decreed: don't be a dick. Everything after that is cool.
Article XII.
Henceforth, shall be illegal to work too hard. You must absolutely love too hard.
Article XIII.
Be it declared that adults need not act like adults. Furthermore, be it decreed that children must not be treated like children.
Article XIV.
We all came into this world upside-down out of a vagina, and we’re all leaving it as worm shit. What comes in-between shall be henceforth be viewed in that light.
Article XV.
Be it declared that you must always tip the band.
Article XVI.
I hereby declare that people who tell you who you are do not know who you are.
Article XVII.
From this moment forward, I abolish self-doubt, fear and shame. Self-imposed suffering in any form is hereby declared illegal.
Be it decreed that as of today, the 5th of May, in my power as Governor of this State of Grace, that at every hour and in every place you are a miracle, and so shall be interpreted every article. Be it furthermore decreed that there is no greed, nor is life a race. There are no crimes but those herein set forth.
Violators shall be subject to imprisonment in a long and lonely life.
